Page 22 BLOG

TRYING TO HELP ALBERT PUJOLS SELL OUT

Fri, 27 Jan 2012 03:15:00 GMT

While shopping at my neighborhood Schnuck's (Twin Oaks store), I couldn't help but notice the amount of Albert Pujols "Oh Yeah" protein shakes and bars on the rack. Maybe people don't want to support his business ventures anymore? I know if I was a waiter at Pujols 5, I'd be looking for a new place of employment. Anyway, here's the photographic evidence ...

Oh Yeah! is an interesting name for a line of protein bars and beverages. When I see or hear the phrase, there are 3 things that automatically pop into my head.

1. Ferris Bueller's Day Off -- see the ending credits as an example, or various episodes of The ITD Morning After.

2. The Kool Aid Man breaking through walls and playing roller hockey with kids.

3. Macho Man Randy Savage.

It's really hard to buy in to the Pujols Oh Yeah given these three circumstances and the fact that Pujols' English isn't the most audible and clear. I have a hard time buying Pujols saying the phrase "Oh Yeah" so why would I buy his Oh Yeah with actual currency? The only way for this work is to take this picture ...

And somehow make it this ...

This ...

Or this ...

I like that one the best. Regardless, the Oh Yeah! team has some serious work to do. It's way more work than what's needed to make my photoshopping skills a step below medicore.

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CHRIS BERMAN HAS EYES FOR KELLY CLARKSON

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 12:45:00 GMT

If there's one thing television commercials teach us, it's that anything is possible. In the case of the Toyota Camry, Kelly Clarkson can drive Chris Berman, James Lipton and Andrew Zimmerman around town singing Clarkson's song "What Doesn't Kill You". You can watch the video here. And you can see Berman ruining his chance with Kelly below. Drum roll please ...

Here he comes, ladies and gentlemen, the big man, Chistopher James Berman!

Chris Berman is ready to get his game on! Look at the confidence oozing out of his pores! (Or is it just sweat?) He's got those classic Applebee's "here I come ready or not" eyes to compliment the football swag.

Folks, Chris Berman just passed gas. He got so excited he couldn't handle his bodily functions. And Miss Kelly Clarkson is disgusted.

With the reluctant look of acceptance, Boomer acknowledges the smell and sound he brought into the car. Clarkson is no longer disgusted; she's mortified. And rather annoyed.

Oh no! Berman farted again. He couldn't control himself!

After rolling down the windows, the smell lingers out. Berman tries to join in on the fun by pretending to sing in the car.

And that ladies and gentlemen, is why you buy a Toyota Camry.

BONUS ROUND
I have nothing personal against Chris Berman. In fact, I once auditioned for Chris Berman University.

Still haven't heard back.

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JOHN CENA IS CHEESY ... BUT I'LL TAKE MY PICTURE WITH HIM ANYWAY

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 09:21:27 GMT

Remember Adam Carriker? He was the Rams 1st round draft choice in 2007. He never panned out after being switched from his native defensive end position to the tackle slot. He's a big wrestling fan, according to Adam Carriker on his blog.

A lot of you know that I am big wrestling fan. I thought I would offer an opinion about a couple things. First of all, I miss WCW. The WWE needs some competition. I miss flipping back and forth between the end of Raw and Nitro trying to catch the end of both of them at the same time; and this was before TiVo, so if you missed the end, you missed it. TNA is trying to come up in the wrestling world but they just aren't to that level where they can push the WWE and make them better. One last thing: I really wish Goldberg, The Rock or Stone Cold would come back. Wrestling really lacks a major star right now, unless you count John Cena, who I like, but find rather cheesy. By the way, Goldberg is my favorite wrestler of all time. Who knows, maybe that will be what I do when I'm finished with football. I could definitely body slam a few people. Watch out, the Dark Horse is coming!

That was December. This is January, with Carriker posing with the cheesy one, John Cena.

THERE HE IS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE DARK HORSE, ADAM CARRIKER!

Talk about cheesy. Speaking of cheesy, Dana White is a cheeseball. But earlier this week, he blasted ESPN for being ESPN. Good for him ...

Good for Dana White. You can watch a video of White voicing his displeasure about ESPN right here. White is angry because ESPN tried to craft and manipulate their own version of the story about the pay scale for the lower card of UFC. If you don't want to watch the video, check the excerpts courtesy of MMA Junkie below ...

"They went out and tried to talk to all these fighters. The fighters were calling us going, 'ESPN is here.' One of them notably was Matt Serra. Matt Serra said, 'They come in, they waste my [expletive] time, they set up all their cameras, and when I started giving the interview, they didn't like what I was saying. They shut the [expletive] thing down and left.' We had numerous fighters say that. They were calling me and saying, 'ESPN is showing up and wanted to do an interview, and when they don't like what we say, they leave the interview.'"

A MORE BROAD PAINT BRUSH APPROACH FROM WHITE
"ESPN doesn't care about this sport. ESPN hates this sport. They won't even cover it. They don't do the great stories about this brand and about this sport that should be done. They don't tell stories about the fighters. Have you ever seen any in-depth great story about UFC fighters on ESPN? Hell no, you don't. You see this garbage 'Outside the Lines' BS. They're dirty. They lie, and they never really give you all the facts."

Well stated. ESPN treats the UFC and WWE the same. They're only covering it when a) something really bad happens to one of the talents (most notably death) b) they're in need of a story for their supposed investigative department (Outside the Lines, E:60) or c) when it benefits them thanks to some cross-promotional platform the business side has created.

Just above UFC and WWE at ESPN is the NHL, which is real shame. Until ESPN starts broadcasting hockey games again, they won't care beyond a few highlights. Instead, it'll be the NFL/NBA/MLB/NCAA show, especially since their new 24 hour sports competitor, NBC Sports, has a deal with the NHL already in place.

Bottom line: ESPN sucks really bad some times at some things. But you already knew that.

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PIGSKIN DETENTION: ELI MANNING CONFIRMED IN CHURCH OF ELITE

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 00:30:00 GMT

Following the Giants Week 9 victory over the Patriots, Eli Manning was ordained one of the league's elite by the pundits. While the comeback victory was a watershed moment for the talking heads, it still represented one game. As pointed out in Pigskin Detention several days later, if the win had come against the Chiefs or Seahawks, it would have been a "good win for Eli and the Giants." Eli's body of work before and after the Week 9 game had and has a lot more bearing on his status amongst his peers, but there is no doubt Manning is one of the top quarterbacks in the game today.

Just to be sure, the Eli Elite bandwagon has circled and added a few more chariots.

From the Associated Press: "Eli Manning shows who the 'elite' quarterback is now". Yeah, Manning has proven his preseason words correct - he is in the same class as Tom Brady. He's also fascinating to watch because he's Peyton's baby brother. In three weeks, he might have one more Super Bowl ring than big brother making all of big brother's statistical accolades over the years somewhat moot.

Adam Schefter, ESPN: "Eli Manning is elite". You can only read that if you have a subscription to ESPN Insider. Man, nothing is more annoying than having to pay for Adam Schefter's words.

The Business Insider publication says: "Sports Chart of the Day: Eli Manning now one of NFL's Elite Quartebacks". The Business Insider has pretty reasonable explanations for their title, too: "If we consider the top quarterbacks in the NFL (Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady), Eli's career now compares quite favorably to that group. Based on Adjusted Yards per Attempt (Yds/Att adjusted for interceptions; see below) Eli's numbers look almost identical to the other QBs at the same age, including his brother. And while Peyton was trending down at age 30, Eli is getting better. And if we then consider that the New York Giants have won six of their last seven playoff games, it is hard to argue against Eli's place among the best.
Eli may not have been there prior to the season, but he is there now..."

The Los Angeles Times: "No more debate necessary: Eli Manning is an elite quarterback."

Perhaps the most damning evidence that Eli is one of the league's top quarterbacks is the fact that the Pigskin Detention offices are about to do something we never thought we'd do: agree with and link to a story written by Mike Lupica. Lupica's story - "Led by the elite Eli Manning, NY Giants victory over Green Bay Packers shows Super Bowl stars aligning for Big Blue". Indeed.

And with that, Pigskin Detention has jumped the shark by sharing the news published by the smarmy one, Mike Lupica. Oh well. Eli's play is deserving of such a cosmic change in the sports stratosphere.

CONFIRMED: EMINEM BELIEVES IN MIRACLES
Eminem is a big fan of Al Michaels, according to Eminem in GQ Magazine:

"As far as analysts go, I'm cool with most of them. When it comes to calling a game, though, Al Michaels is my favorite. By far. C'mon, everybody misses John Madden. It sucks that he's retired, but at least we've still got Michaels. He is the last of the true icons still calling games. Just hearing his voice, it's nostalgic, man. It brings you back to when you were a little kid. His voice is ill. I don't know how long Al Michaels plans on doing the Sunday night games for NBC, but if he retired tomorrow, it would really fu##ing suck."

To hammer home his point of affection for Michaels, Eminmen did the interview while wearing a skin tight, aqua-blue 1980 sweater*, as glamorlously worn by Michaels and his broadcast colleague at the Miracle on Ice, Ken Dryden.

I would wear it too, if I had one. Those are freaking awesome.

*Eminem may or may not have worn a tight blue sweater during the interview.

UNDER THE HOOD WITH BILL LEAVY
Pretty much everyone other than referee Bill Leavy ruled that Greg Jennings fumbled the football in the first half of Sunday's divisional round game between the Giants and Packers. As it turns out, here's what Leavy saw during the replay review, which ultimately kept the ball in the Packers' possession and led to their first touchdown of the game.

Easy to get sidetracked when Tom and Jerry comes on the tube.

UPDATED COMMODITY RANKINGS
Big change from last week's Commodity rankings. Tebow has been thwarted. Numbers represent hours spent speaking and or exploiting commodity (in millions), in public or private. Rankings are also unscientific and unfounded unless otherwise noted.

Heaven help us if the Super Bowl is a Harbaugh Bowl. It will tarnish the Super Bowl with more whining and yapping than any Super Bowl in history, give or take a halftime wardrobe malfunction.

BREAKING NEWS
Unreal headlines from the world of football ...

Joe Paterno loses status as human being ...

Raiders soliciting coaching candidates on Match.com ...

Report: rest of league scared of healthy Texans team ...

Rams sign defensive coordinator whose defense couldn't stop Alex Smith and the 49ers ...

Elway names Tommy Maddox backup quarterback entering 2012 ...

Tiki Barber still talking ...

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Hazy News Report: This week in Weed

Sat, 14 Jan 2012 04:05:00 GMT

Lots of things happening over the last week with people and weed. Take a deep breath and ingest the following stories.

1. Snoop Dog -- he who goes by the name Calvin Broadus in real life - was arrested at a checkpoint in Texas last week after agents found joints in his tour bus. This was the same checkpoint Willie Nelson was arrested at late in 2010. More from the story ...

"He has been cited for possession of drug paraphernalia, a charge typical in cases involving small amounts of marijuana. Experts have said the usual punishment for a crime of this type is a fine of around $500."

In related news, Snoop Dog does not care.

2. Modern Man dot com has an article about why you should and shouldn't smoke weed. Because it makes you feel good and makes you feel sad. The yin and the yang.

3. A new study says that smoking weed doesn't harm your lungs like cigarettes. The story was introduced to me by a stoner who likely didn't read the whole story. Long version short, researchers conducted a 20 year study and found that smoking one joint per week doesn't harm your lungs. It also said the jury is still out on more frequent or heavy use. From the AP report:

The results, from one of the largest and longest studies on the health effects of marijuana, are hazier for heavy users — those who smoke two or more joints daily for several years. The data suggest that using marijuana that often might cause a decline in lung function, but there weren’t enough heavy users among the 5,000 young adults in the study to draw firm conclusions.

Stoners who send me stories about marijuana don't usually have attention spans lenghty enough to read all the way through or they interpret the story however they want, even if it's deluded to some degree. Also, regarding the lack of heavy users in the study from the above excerpt, chalk it up to heavy users choosing to eat ice cream and watch King of Queens reruns over the possibility of being studied for 20 years.

4. A 74 year old Tulsa native was arrested in Illinois with 77 pounds of marijuana. That's him smiling, high-as-a-kite after his arrest. Police and weed experts project the 77 pounder to be worth $350 million. Weed experts also want some of what Refugio Salazar was selling - and wonder if former Syracuse assistant coach Bernie Fine is the pedophile, non-stoner version of Salazar. In loosely related news, Fine and Jerry Sandusky should be tied to one another with cynder blocks strapped to their feet while riding on an Italian cruise ship and being bit by billions of fleas.

5. Jay Z and Beyonce just had their baby and named her Blue Ivy. Were they high when they came up with the name? Who knows? But for those of you Los Angeles area readers, you can now purchase "Blue Ivy" marijuana at some of your local medical marijuana dispensaries.

6. NFL referee Bill Leavy was presumably high in Green Bay on Sunday when he ruled that Greg Jennings didn't fumble the football when he clearly did. Bill Leavy is the same man who botched the call in Super Bowl XL that helped the Steelers beat the Seahawks (what an ugly Super Bowl that was). On Sunday, Leavy and his crew did a poor job of trying to hand the game to the Packers, allowing Eli Manning to be hit late on a few occasions while Aaron Rodgers wasn't to be touched in a forceful manner.

7. A "super weed" has spread to Western Canada.

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OKAY JEFF FISHER, KNOCK IT OFF ...

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 04:25:00 GMT

If the Rams miss out on Jeff Fisher, they shouldn't tell anyone and hope nobody in St. Louis realizes Fisher is coaching in Miami. Kroenke and company should just hire Tonya Harding hitman Jeff Gillooly and put sunglasses on him to keep the Fisher hoax alive. That is, unless the two are actually different people. You can never be sure.

Yeah. They're probably two different people.

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FRED MCGRIFF'S REACTION TO HALL OF FAME VOTING

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 03:50:00 GMT

Baseball's annual rite of stupidity has come and gone, otherwise known as Hall of Fame voting. This year 537 baseball writers voted and nine of them turned in blank ballots because they're losers who live on a high horse who don't want to vote for anyone because anyone may have used illegal drugs.

At least the majority got Barry Larkin right. After that, Jeff Bagwell, Tim Raines and Fred McGriff should be in. McGriff earned the 7th most votes (137 or 23.9%), and fell behind Raines and Bagwell. He also fell behind Edgar Martinez.

Huh? That guy was a designated hitter. He didn't play defense! And he got 13% more votes (209 total) than the Crime Dog.

Edgar's 162 game average shows a .312 BA, 24 home runs, 99 RBI and a .933 OPS. But he didn't play defense.

McGriff's 162 game average shows a .284 BA, 32 home runs, 102 RBI and a .886 OPS. He did play defense. He also won a World Series, and was the mouthpiece for Tom Emanski.

McGriff also received less votes than Jeff Bagwell. Bagwell's 162 game average: .297 BA, 34 home runs, 115 RBI. .948 OPS. Better overall numbers than McGriff and unlike Edgar Martinez, Bagwell played defense all day every day. So the fact that Bagwell got 56% of the vote compared to McGriff's 24% is understandable to an extent.

HOWEVAH ...

McGriff trumps Bagwell in postseason numbers. In 33 postseason games, Bagwell batted .226, with 2 home runs, 26 RBI and a .685 OPS. Compare that to McGriff, who played in 50 postseason games and batted .303 with 10 home runs, 37 RBI and a .917 OPS. His numbers are better than Edgar Martinez's as well.

FINAL THOUGHT ON FRED
His nickname was the Crime Dog. Come on. That should be 25% guaranteed vote every year. If Jeff Bagwell and Edgar Martinez get in the Hall one day, McGriff should be there too. He's got more career RBI than both guys. He's also got more RBI than Willie Stargell, Mickey Mantle, Jim Rice, Tris Speaker, Billy Williams, Joe Medwick, Brooks Robinson, Robin Yount, Johnny Bench, Kirby Puckett and Rod Carew. All those men are in the Hall of Fame.

He's the Crime Dog! GRRRRR-RUFFFFF! He is Hall of Fame worthy. Especially when the Hall is created by 573 writers. Change that process, MLB.

FINAL THOUGHT FROM FRED

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DEBUNKING CONVENTIONAL THINKING ON JEFF FISHER

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 01:57:32 GMT

Not a Fisher fan
Trust me, St. Louis does not want Jeff Fisher as the Rams' coach. How he held on to the Oilers/Titans job for 16 years and five games (his interim year) with such limited success is beyond me.

His last year the team was fractured: half the players were behind Vince Young and half were supporting Fisher. The team basically just quit playing for Fisher. He had to go!

In 161/2 seasons he was 142-120, which is winning 54 percent of his games. Now consider in those 161/2 years he had only six winning seasons. In his interim (first) season he was 1-5. His postseason record is 5-6. Four times his team was a No. 1 seed and had home field advantage only to lose the first game twice.

His Super Bowl appearance only happened by fluke. In the first round of the 2000 playoffs he ran a prevent defense that allowed Buffalo to kick what should have been the game-winning field goal with 16 seconds left.

He was saved by the "Music City Miracle" and made it to the Super Bowl. That fluke play bought him 11 more seasons.

Fisher is an average coach at best and his record clearly speaks for itself. I just don't understand why he is so highly regarded by all the NFL insiders.

One thing is for sure, if the Rams hire him, hello field goals! Once inside the red zone, he shuts down the offense and settles for field goals.

That's his bread and butter. Keep the game close and win it in the fourth quarter ... to the tune of 54 percent of the time.

Tom Santry — St. Charles

Read more: http://www.stltoday.com/sports/football/professional/sports-letters-rams-don-t-hire-fisher/article_bc88394b-250f-5350-91c7-cd7ba32ed2d9.html#ixzz1izYzbYZ0

PIGSKIN DETENTION WILDCARD WEEKEND

Mon, 09 Jan 2012 12:40:00 GMT

DEAR JAMES HARRISON,

Stop tackling people. Any hits above the sternum will result in a 15 yard penalty or fine equal to or greater than $5,000. Any hit below the middle region will result in blown acl's, lcl's, mcl's and pcl's - not to mention the possibility of ankle rupture. The hits below the middle region will generally be ignored by officials as it happens throughout the course of the game. However, the league has and will take note. That's why we are instituting the James Harrison Fine Funnel for ligament damage and injuries.

For each torn ligament, you will be docked $7,500. We reserve the right to increase the funnel pay scale at our discretion if and when you destroy three ligaments on a single player in a single blow. Should that happen, what would normally compute to a fine of $22,500 will increase to $25,000. In the catastrophic event that you destroy an opponent's acl, lcl, mcl and pcl, you will be fined $100,000. You will also donate 100 hours of community service to the NFL Ligament Foundation, which we created and formalized seven minutes ago. See the attached graphic below for a more concise breakdown this new funnel of league funds.

Please perform your due dilligence in the future and abstain from injuring people. Your wallet will thank you.

-- The League

HERE'S A PAGE FROM THE ATLANTA FALCONS PLAYBOOK
Inspired by the original Tecmo Bowl on the 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System. Smith needs to get with the times and realize we live in a 64 bit, 3D society.

EVEN PHIL SIMMS DOESN'T LISTEN TO PHIL SIMMS
During last week's Inside the NFL on Showtime, the crew discussed the importance of backup quarterbacks with the emergence of TJ Yates of the Houston Texans. This led to a good thought from Simms, captain of Phil-osophy. Said Simms:

“You talk about backup quarterbacks, it just shows you Houston runs a system and it can train all of its quarterbacks to run one system, where some of these other teams we talked about – Chicago, Indianapolis – their quarterback goes down. No chance. And you've got to give (Houston) a lot of credit.”

Indeed. You also have to think teams like the Bears and Colts are going to make proper adjustments to have a capable and talented backup quarterback in place in 2012 and beyond.

Let's fast forward five minutes in real time on the same episode of Inside the NFL. The discussion of Andrew Luck, Peyton Manning and the Colts is at hand. Phil Simms said:

“I just can't see Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck being there (in Indianapolis). It's counterproductive. In this day and age, (to say) oh, 'We're gonna keep him for a year' and then we're gonna bring the other guy, you know, coaches don't do that. You're talking about the first pick in the draft.”

Just to be clear, Phil Simms credits the Houston Texans for their backup quarterback system and thinks the Bears and Colts hurt themselves for not properly addressing and assessing their backup quarterback situation before 2011. One possible remedy for the Colts comes from the opportunity to draft and sign the most coveted quarterback available in the 2012 rookie class. Drafting Luck would ensure that a) the Colts had a starting quarterback in 2012 who was healthy and capable (all things being equal) and b) the team would have more quarterback depth assuming Peyton Manning was healthy enough to play. And yet, Phil Simms doesn't think it's a good idea.

And what about Aaron Rodgers riding the bench while Brett Favre played? Said Simms:

"Aaron Rodgers wasn't Andrew Luck. Andrew Luck is the first pick. Brett Favre was healthy (in Green Bay). This is a completely different scenario.”

Different scenario? Yes. Different remedy? No one truly knows. But if you believe the Colts need to groom backup quarterbacks for insurance purposes (as Simms stated five minutes earlier) why wouldn't you want to have both guys ready to play? You don't even have to fork over the insane amounts of money that the Rams shelled out for Sam Bradford in 2010. The day of insane rookie contracts is no longer.

We don't blame Phil Simms for not wanting to listen to Phil Simms. We just wonder if Phil Simms even knows what Phil Simms said. This is the same man who said the Steelers were "8 to 10 yards" away from Shaun Suisham's field goal range when the team was on its own 40 yard line. Yes, this was in Denver, but 67-69 yard field goals don't exactly amount to "field goal range" regardless of air density.

According to Football Nation, - and Pigskin Detention - Phil Simms isn't our favorite pundit. This is another example why.

FOOTBALL COMMODITY RANKINGS
Numbers represent man and woman hours spent discussing and or exploiting football commodity, in private or public.

BREAKING NEWS
Hot off the press from the Aesop's Fabled Sports Newsroom ...

Kicker checks in to Phil Simms' field goal range upon entering stadium parking lot ...

Primetime Neon-Deion Sanders wants Tebow supporters to talk about Broncos team - not just Tebow ...

Rex Ryan guarantees Super Bowl win in next Pepsi Max commercial ...

Source: Austin 3:16 would stun Tebow 3:16 in beer brawl ...

Herman Boone yet to reap rewards of Rooney Rule ...

NFL Films begins 24 hour surveillance of Ray Lewis prior to Divisional Round kickoff ...

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JEFF FISHER HAS TO SAVE THE RAMS

Fri, 06 Jan 2012 06:40:00 GMT

Here I am a starved for success Rams fan and seemingly the only person who can save me is Jeff Fisher. Huh?

It's true.

Until 2012, I was never really a fan of the guy. Not that I'm a fan of coaches anyway, but Fisher always annoyed me because his players bordered on dirty play. The Jeff Fisher style is what you saw in Detroit this year with the Lions. Fisher and Jim Schwartz coach up tough, hard nosed and push-the-envelope play. And you know what? That's what the Rams need. It became quite apparent over the past season that Steve Spagnuolo was more of a guidance counselor to his players than their authoritative head coach.

If the Rams can hire Fisher, he can be for the them what Ken Hitchcock did for the Blues. Granted, it's a small sample size and the Blues and Hitchcock still haven't won anything of significance (1st place right now), but a fan can only hope for such a quick change. And as much as it might sound crazy, the Rams first line of talent, when healthy, isn't as bad as people might think. When the offense lost Danny Amendola in Week 1, it lost the foundation for the entire passing attack. Greg Salas began to show some serious promise until his season ended in Arizona a few months later. With the return of healthy skill players on offense and defense, a smart draft (get Justin Blackmon in here, and get him while I'm waiting) and a serious head coach, the mess can be turned around real quick. That's not delusion, that's reality.

Anyway, here's one last look back at the mess. It's the 2010 season. If you actually watch the videos, you'll see that Week 1, Week 2 and Week 7 were coulda/shoulda/woulda victories. Cue Jim Mora. Week 16 and Week 17 ghetto recaps have been erased from existence. Sorry.

For the 2009 video recaps, click here.

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GHETTO RAMS RECAP MARATHON - 2009 SEASON

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 01:05:00 GMT

Now that the rubble is being cleared away from Rams Park, one of the things that pops into my head is the phrase "Ghetto Football". What does that mean? Nothing, other than the fact it's a description of crappy football. We've been through more than our fair share of ghetto football, resulting in fan suffering and suffocation. It's what ultimately spawned the creation of the Ghetto Rams Recap.

All hail the 2009 season ...

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PIGSKIN DETENTION WEEK 17

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 13:50:00 GMT

by Patrick Imig
Cold Hard Football Facts' source sorcerer

In the aftermath of another miserable, suffocating season for the St. Louis Rams and their fans, the Steve Spagnuolo/Billy Devaney rumor mill swirled and nearly blew over like the home of the 3 Little Pigs Sunday evening. In this case, the pundits represented the Big Bad Wolf. These pundits helped inspire a story filled with many different sources - or just one really resourceful little source. We'll never know because sources aren't required to attach their name to their news.

So, just what did the future hold for the Rams regime after Sunday's loss to the 49ers?

Mike Florio, Pro Football Talk: “A Rams team source said it could go either way.”

This team source probably will be gone if the regime is gone, so he's holding on to the delusional faith that just maybe he'll be around next year. How do I know? I consulted with a source profiler and this is what I was told.

ESPN's Mike Sando: “The St. Louis Rams will fire both coach Steve Spagnuolo and general manager Billy Devaney, according to a team source.”

This is either a completely different source or Pro Football Talk only listened to half the source's statement.

Albert Breer, NFL.com: ”Jeff Fisher is ready to return to coaching, according to sources with knowledge of his thinking, and will be looking for a job with, first and foremost, a stable situation at quarterback.”

Knowledge of his thinking??? Congratulations to Albert Breer for creating a source I never heard until Sunday. I wonder what the boundaries and parameters are to claim to know Jeff Fisher's thinking? It's probably somebody we would least expect who worked for/with him for years. Somebody like the equipment guy or team barber/shoe shine guy. People often talk to them like they aren't really there or at least, capable of comprehending a discernible language.

101 ESPN's Tony Softli: ”Sources say they saw Rams GM Billy Devaney clearing out clothes and his basketball a few weeks ago, loading items into his car.”

A basketball? What about his Nerf Turbo Football? Geez. Softli, by the way, has one of the greatest mustaches in the world of football, which you can view here. A sit down interview between him and Jaguars owner Shahid Khan would be impressive.

Mike Bush, KSDK in St. Louis: “The St. Louis Rams will fire head coach Steve Spagnuolo and general manager Billy Devaney tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest. That's according to a broadcast report by an NFL insider on ESPN.”

And with that, the local news anchor and former Rams play by play man hit the bottom of the Chain of Sources. Anyone who's anyone knows an insider falls below the anonymous source, team source, source close to the situation, deep undercover anonymous source, source with knowledge of the subject's thinking and team official. The insider simply collects. He/she is the catfish of the pond, swimming at the bottom and eating all the source scraps that drop his/her way.

CRIS COLLINSWORTH MIGHT NEED A DRUG TEST
Anyone else catch Tony Romo's 1st half penalty for throwing beyond the line of scrimmage on a 3rd and 6 Sunday night? It happened midway through the 2nd quarter and was so clear and obvious that I noticed it in real time. Naturally, Cris Collinsworth offered up a goody to describe the miscue: “Alright, that was a penalty and it doesn't count. But that was also one of the most brilliant plays I've seen in a long time. As you could imagine, Romo completely lost track of where he was on the field. But to escape three or four times (pause) is just incredible."

I listened to this soundbite several times and still don't know where Collinsworth gets the idea the penalty didn't count. The penalty resulted in a loss of five yards from the spot and a loss of down. Instead of a first down or 4th and short (if Romo kept scrambling and fell forward), the Cowboys punted on 4th and 8 (the spot foul resulted in a five yard penalty after he was three yards (YES THREE) past the line of scrimmage.

The color analyst equivalent of the Romo penalty goes like this: during a pre-recorded pre-game session, Al Michaels sneezes while asking Collinsworth if Tony Romo prefers blueberry or raspberry Toaster Strudels. The producer yells cut-cut and orders a retake, but Collinsworth answers Michaels anyway and says one of the smartest things in the history of man (Toaster Strudels are better than Pop Tarts). Even though it never aired, Collinsworth stands in awe of his commentary saying it's "one of the most brilliant thing's I've heard in a long time".

QUOTES FROM THE EXTENDED RYAN FAMILY DURING AND AFTER WEEK 17
Matt Ryan, Atlanta Falcons quarterback: "We had opportunities the week before and just didn't make the plays. Today, we made the plays and I think that's what we needed moving forward."

Perhaps this is the difference between playing the Saints and the Buccaneers. We will see.
---

Rob Ryan, Dallas Cowboys defensive coordinator: “What the FU#K!”

The NBC cameras picked the perfect time to pan the sidelines following another DJ Ware gash and run.
---

Tim Ryan, Fox Sports commentator: “(Aldon Smith) is rock hard everywhere."

Check your physical descriptors at the pundit checkpoint next time, Tim. Or stop giving us too much information. Whichever applies we'd rather not know.
---

Rex Ryan, NYJ head coach: "I will always chase the Super Bowl. I believe we’ll win the Super Bowl and will believe it for the next 15 years."

Lesson to be learned: 8-8 and no playoffs whittles the Guarantee down to a Belief. By the way, the 80s hip hop group WHODINI has a message for Rex Ryan which you can listen to here.

MIKE FLORIO IS A REAL FOOTBALL JOURNALIST. FOR REAL.
One thing that bothers my neighbor Danny about Pro Football Talk is the fact that NBC spearheads a site with the acronym pft. "Pft" is the action of disbelief, according to the kids on the street. That doesn't bother the Cold Hard Football Facts. What bothers the mighty CHFF is a blatant disregard for historical fact.

From Mike Florio's weekend post about Steve Spagnuolo's future, note the red box illuminating a frighteningly inaccurate statement.

Hey Mike: in 1999, the St. Louis Rams went 13-3 and won Super Bowl XXXIV against the Tennessee Titans. It was one of the most compelling, exciting games in Super Bowl history, and it ended when Rams linebacker Mike Jones tackled Titans wide receiver Kevin Dyson on the one yard line. It's the Super Bowl that is often miscast by careless pundits who say the Titans were "one yard short" of victory, when in reality, they were one yard short of being one point away from being tied at the end of regulation (or two points away from winning).

The team was quarterbacked by Kurt Warner, after the Rams hand-picked starter, Trent Green, lost his season to injury in a preseason game against the San Diego Chargers. One of your colleagues at NBC Sports, Rodney Harrison, actually caused the injury. Following the news that Green lost his season, a teary-eyed but defiant Rams head coach Dick Vermeil told the media his team would "rally around Kurt Warner" and "play good football".

Boy did they ever. In Week 1 of the season, Warner and the Rams shocked the Baltimore Ravens 27-10. The following game, they defeated the defending NFC Champion Atlanta Falcons 35-7. The rest was history. Good, clean history. The 1999 Rams would comprise one of the most prolific offenses and earn the moniker "The Greatest Show on Turf". Their victory over the Titans in January 2000 at the Georgia Dome capped one of the great single season turnarounds in NFL history. Just wanted to fill you in.

It is my hope the brand new 24 hour NBC Sports Network will look down on such bonehead mistakes. It makes it look like you don't even care about football. I'll steal the condescending tone you often use in your posts and say that maybe, you know, you should stick to being a lawyer. Or just know what teams have won the Super Bowl. (That'll do, actually.)

Court is adjourned.

PUBLIC STATEMENTS FROM NON PLAYOFF TEAMS
That which is publicly stated not by the teams but by Pigskin Detention ...

Chicago Bears: "Had no idea Jay Cutler was that good, either."

Minnesota Vikings: "We scored more points than the 12-4 Steelers."

Philadelphia Eagles: "Dreams have a better shot at coming true in 2012."

St. Louis Rams: "We beat the New Orleans Saints in 2011."

Seattle Seahawks: "Sorry fans. We thought seven wins won you the division."

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: "Our schedule was harder this year. Out of our control."

Tweet @patrickimig
Email patrick.imig@gmail.com

LET'S FACE IT: THE SMOKE FREE STL GIRL IS ANNOYING; Plus the news with Mike Bush!

Mon, 02 Jan 2012 04:30:00 GMT

“WHY THE CURRENT POLITICAL SYSTEM SUCKS”

Republican strategist Mike Murphy: “By no means is it a ticket to victory, but it's a windowing out process to get kind of to the final three or four (candidates) not unlike college basketball so the whole country can watch the big game.”

“And four years ago, it was there in Iowa where Barack Obama established that he could attract white voters.”

“Police in Los Angeles are distributing DVDs featuring surveillance video of a man wanted for questioning in connection with a rash of suspicious car fires. Police are looking for a man with a receding hairline and a shoulder length pony tail.“

It's settled: Stevan Segal has a new movie.

NEXT STORY
“For the second year in a row, black birds have died after falling from the sky on Dec. 31st.

Dozens died this year.

Thousands died last year.

Cause: Fireworks

MIKE ROBERTS HAS A QUESTION
“And did it seem windy today?”

“Well you could say Haley Elizabeth Yancy has perfect timing. She was the first baby born in St. Louis in 2012.”

BROCK LESNAR TAPS OUT OF UFC

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 15:15:00 GMT

Well that was fun while it lasted. From Yahoo! Sports:

Lesnar went for a single-leg takedown, but Overeem easily shook it off. Overeem hurt Lesnar with a knee to the body early, but finished the fight with a great kick to the midsection. Lesnar winced in pain and backed to the cage. Overeem rushed in and rained punches on him until referee Mario Yamasaki stopped the fight.

“I’m going to officially say tonight is the last time you’ll see me in the Octagon,” Lesnar said. Later, he added, “Brock Lesnar is officially retired.”

I always thought Lesnar defeated Randy Couture in odd fashion for the title at UFC 91. The Lesnar title win was huge news and a new splash of publicity for UFC. Then he got sick, then he returned and couldn't beat anybody. The fans who thought that maybe there was some fishy string pulling at UFC 91 have a little more ammo now that Lesnar has quit since the only person he can beat is himself. Not that it really matters.

So, when does the Undertaker and Paul Bearer drive Lesnar's body in a hearse to Death Valley? And when will Kane chokeslam him all the way to HELL.

TO HELL BY GAWD!!!

PIGSKIN DETENTION: WEEK 16

Wed, 28 Dec 2011 05:05:00 GMT

By: Patrick Imig (Tweet @patrickimig)
Cold Hard Football Facts classy pundit sacker

Drew Brees' 5,087th passing yard for the 2011 season was a milestone moment for sure. ESPN and Monday Night Football couldn't have scripted the end of their regular season of telecasts any better. Well, that's not actually true because the final touchdown pass and record breaking throw could have come in a nail-biting finish. And to be really greedy and hammer home the point, Oprah Winfrey could have been in attendance cheering for the Falcons.

Hypothetical scenarios be damned. Brees' record setting completion occurred at the end of a mismatch. Naturally, this doesn't sit well with some of the holier than thou pundits who wonder what kind of a man Drew Brees and Sean Payton really are. Let's turn to longtime CHFF whipping boy turned CHFF convert Pete Prisco of CBS Sports. Said Pete:

“There is a chance (the Saints) will play the Falcons again in two weeks. If they do, they will be facing a team that sure didn't take too kindly to the way Brees broke the record. Nor should they have.”

Interestingly, Prisco points out later in his column that Falcons players didn't take too kindly to Saints players celebrating on the Falcons logo last year in the Georgia Dome (fake urintating has that effect). The Saints are 2-0 against the Falcons in 2011, making this a moot point.

“Respect? The Falcons players didn't see it that way. Nor did much of their staff. The players I talked to all thought it was classless.”

The players Prisco talked to who said it was “classless” are anonymous in name, if you're wondering.

“The way I see it, what should have been a truly special moment, something that should have happened in the context of the game, and made it tainted with questions. It won't overshadow what truly is a special record for one of the greatest passers of this generation, even ever, but it does take some of the gloss off of it.”

Translation: it's not a big deal. A truly tainted record is one filled with cheating and scandal. Ryan Braun's 2011 National League MVP is tainted after he tested positive for PED's, for example. Barry Bonds … you get the idea.

Anyone who recalls the season Brees broke Marino's record will remember the fact that he threw for 5,000+ yards. Getting it done in front of the home crowd (and worldwide viewing audience) and eliminating it as a topic of discussion for the following week was the smart thing to do.

Have a seat in the pundit dunking booth, Pete. It's been a while. You'll be joined by Yahoo! Sports Jason Cole. Said Cole:

"The lingering question that surrounds the whole thing is just how classy the move was and, more important, if Atlanta can do anything about it. The 9-6 Falcons will return to 12-3 New Orleans in the first round of the playoffs if the NFC seeding holds form after the final week of the season ... Classy? Not so much, and Payton pretty much admitted that when he said he stretched his ethical standards for this situation."

Unlike the previously mentioned Prisco, Cole quoted Falcons players by name who said they didn't mind.

Sean Weatherspoon: “No man, it’s our job to stop them. I can’t say I’m upset by them running up the score or anything like that when I had a chance to make a play.”

Roddy White: “We didn’t make plays. We had to make plays, stop them and do our job, not worry about what they’re doing. Now, in a couple of weeks if we have to come back here, I might feel different. [But] not now.”

The lesson to be learned? When you have the chance to break the record, you do it. Scoring a late touchdown isn't cheap or scandalous. End of story.

DEAR NFL NETWORK
During Saturday night telecasts, you can lift the “Thursday Night Football Special” graphic in favor of something that says, I don't know, “Saturday Night Football Special”. Ditto for the “Thank God It's Thursday” phrase on the bottom of the graphics. Saying Thank God its Thursday during a Saturday night game would be confusing to anyone, especially those who just awakened from a coma or surgical procedure.

MERRIL HOGE STOPS IN FOR A 2011 FAREWELL
Following Week 15, the idea that the Chargers could reach the playoffs as a "dangerous" team and even that the Chiefs could make the playoffs was the preferred pundit flavor of the week. With those two scenarios out of order, the idea that the Packers are a very beatable team still lives. This isn't to suggest the rest of the league has no shot at stopping the defending Super Bowl champions on their quest to repeat. But when longtime Pigskin Detention offender Merril Hoge is toting that rock, well, yeah, let's take a look.

Here's Hoge's analysis of the Packers Sunday night victory over the Bears.

“The problem is the Packers get smacked around on the football field and that happened actually (Sunday) night. They're defense got gashed, got hammered against a 3rd string quarterback and 3rd string running but up front, I mean just getting manhandled!”

The Bears turned the ball over! Had they not turned that ball over, it's a different scenario ... the Chicago Bears in that first half, they handled the Green Bay Packers offense. They did that just like the Kansas City Chiefs, the difference is they started to turn the ball over when they got in scoring territory.”

It must be really nice to get manhandled in the first half of a game and only give up 3 points. Hey Merril, the Packers have forced 29 interceptions in 2011. As Philip Rivers pointed out several weeks ago on these pages, "that's a good pass defense". And while it's true the Packers have slipped defensively from their 2010 campaign, it's also true they're still 8th in Defensive Passer Rating (compared to 1st in 2010). Up front, the Packers were 10th in Defensive Hog Index in 2010 compared to a meager 25th through 16 weeks in 2011.

HOWEVAH ... the Packers are first in Passer Rating Differential this season, just as they were in 2010. What it all means? You can afford to give up yards as long as you force turnovers and keep opponents out of the end zone. And when you don't force turnovers, you can rely on your offense led by Aaron Rodgers to bail you out. Only when the defense fails to force turnovers AND the offense fails to punch it in are you doomed to defeat. This is why the Packers are 14-1. And why Merril Hoge is and forever will be: A) a man with a ridiculously large tie-knot and B) a perennial trouble maker in Pigskin Detention.

TERRY BRADSHAW COULDN'T ID KYLE ORTON IN A LINEUP
I guess I can respect the candor and honesty, but come on Terry. From Bradshaw's Fox Sports column about Kyle Orton facing the Broncos:

"He’s returning to play the team that cut him loose and put him on the streets, so to speak. This is going to be an emotional game and I don’t know him well enough to say how he’s going to respond to all that.

I really don’t know that kid. If he hit my car, I wouldn’t know him. I want to say Orton will play well — he has had two very good games for the Chiefs — but can he control his emotions and play within himself?

Yo, State Farm Insurance, here's your next TV ad featuring NFL quarterbacks. Kyle Orton, driving his pickup truck, crushes Terry Bradshaw in his Prius, turning it upside down in the process. Bradshaw calls the insurance agency to find out what to do (one too many concussions, maybe) and the agent instructs him to take down the information of the other man involved in the accident. Bradshaw does but refuses to believe Orton is who he says he is as an homage to the discount double check commercial featuring Aaron Rodgers.

Then we find out Bradshaw isn't insured by State Farm, and Orton drives off while an upside down Bradshaw (still in turned over car) continues talking to anyone who will listen. Orton mentions he has a party to catch. End scene.

BREAKING NEWS
Headlines Terry Bradshaw didn't understand ...

Early Doucet slips and falls during Twitter response to Lary Fitzgerald, Sr ...

Projection: Rams would finish last in Parent-Teacher Conference ...

Sinner Tebow angers supporters with Christmas Eve meltdown ...

Report: Jerome Simpson really high during end zone front flip ...

Peyton Manning upset by Pro Bowl snub ...

Jay Cutler to be named somebody's MVP at the end of the season ...

Tweet @patrickimig.

TWAS THE WEEK AFTER CHRISTMAS ...

Tue, 27 Dec 2011 13:25:00 GMT

Twas the week after Christmas, when all through the 'Lou
Not a Rams fan was smiling cuz the Rams play like poo.
Steven Jackson is good and Chris Long is a beast,
But this team would finish last in the WAC or Big East.

The talent is nestled all snug on I-R
While visions of playoffs – nay, 30th in the league – drift from afar.
At the start of the season we had high hopes,
But injuries and losses took us fans for dopes.

Out at Rams Park there may arise such a clatter,
E. Stanley Kroenke will hand out pink slips like it doesn't even matter.
Away to a defensive coordinator job flew Spags like a flash
McDaniels will leave town collecting minimal cash.

The rumor mill says the Rams will give Jon Gruden a go,
In a package deal that brings AJ Smith and sends Billy D. home.
While across from the dome what should appear,
the quest for 12 World Series titles in a brand new year.

With a new manager in charge, his dark hair parted back slick,
Matheny is driving the bus as Mozeliak's hand chosen pick.
His hair doesn't cover his ears and he has never managed a game,
He won't be visited by Sammy Hagar but he has plenty of talent to call by name.

Now Berkman, now Holliday, now Craig and Freese
On Carpenter, on Wainwright, on Motte and YADI!
To the top of the division, to the top of the league
We lost Pujols but we've got half of the Killer Bees!

As winter thaws and the rite of spring begins,
the Blues should skate through the playoffs with plenty of wins.
They're 15-4-5 since Hitchcock took command of the bench,
When he's at Lumiere, I bet Tony Twist leaves a foul, odorous stench.

And then there's Mizzou, winners of the Independence Bowl,
Off to the SEC, winning won't be as easy a stroll.
The LSU Tigers are vying for a national title,
They're also mocking Mizzou under the guise of a smile ... (scary)

The 13-0 basketball team seems to be legit,
They actually have a set offense that never quits.
But Bragging Rights be damned, because Majerus has called them out
The Tigers won't play the Billikens without a shadow of a doubt,

Said the twinkled, dimpled rotund leader of the Billikens: "They don't even return my call or letter. If they wrote back and said, 'We're so much better than SLU,' or, 'You guys are too religious,' or we're too cosmopolitan, I could live with all of that. But its like writing to Santa Claus."

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him in the imagination of myself!
To think Majerus could slam down my chimney,
is funny and odd since he's damn near 350!

That's about it for now, if you need an entertaining and professional gig,
Visit DriveByOnline.com or Tweet @patrickimig.

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BRANDON JACOBS FOR MAN OF THE WEEKEND

Sun, 25 Dec 2011 13:15:00 GMT

Sure, Santa Clause was pretty valuable to good citizens of the world over the past 24 hours, but he didn't tell Rex Ryan what a large selection of the population would say if given the chance. Brandon Jacobs did, however. Following the Giants' win over the Jets, Jacobs verbally jabbed Ryan in the jaw. From Sam Gardner at Fox Sports dot com: “He told me shut the ‘F’ up and wait until (they) win the Super Bowl, and I told him I’d punch him in his face,” an emboldened Jacobs said after the game. “I told him (that) out of all of these Giants on this football team, you’re talking to the wrong one.”

That is just freaking awesome. It's awesome for the obvious fact that Brandon Jacobs punching Ryan in the face would result in a TKO - and make father Buddy's sucker punch on Kevin Gilbride look like a feathered love tap (if it wasn't already). It's also awesome trying to comprehend how delusional Rex Ryan really is. Ryan is so consistent with his "wait til we win the Super Bowl" defense tactic and mantra that he'll use it as a legal response to the IRS when he gets audited after failing to pay income tax for the year 2011.

Unconfirmed reports say Mr. Clause gave Ryan a shoe full of coal topped with a steaming heaping of fecal crow, by the way.

Tweet @patrickimig

CRAZY WAY TO CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY

Tue, 20 Dec 2011 12:54:30 GMT

Ronald Broadway celebrated his 45th birthday by shoplifting: "coming from his fly were eight bags of shrimp, eight rib-eye steaks, a package of smoked turkey and an undisclosed number of baby back ribs." - unbelievably true story available for reading here.

Bon Jovi is not dead

Tue, 20 Dec 2011 06:45:00 GMT

Just wanted to clear up that Monday afternoon rumor.

Esquire Magazine should stick to 'other'

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 23:55:00 GMT

by Patrick Imig, DriveByOnline's hired media gun The Tebow is news beyond the sports world. This fact brings to light the pundit fools in the world of "pop culture" and the "mainstream". An example of this phenomenon is the article titled "Tim Tebow, Man of Millions" by Tom Junod at Esquire. Here's what Junod said after the Patriots defeated the Broncos: Tebow's story is a religious one, and everybody knows it. Take away the element of religion and his win streak over mostly terrible teams in mostly "defensive struggles" is reminiscent of Vince Young's rookie year with the Titans. Correction: part of Tim Tebow's story is a religious one. Those who focus only on the element of faith are missing out. It isn't a black or white issue. It's real life and real life is filled with a lot of gray area. The Tebow story isn't simply one "type" of story. There's a whole world of reactions to the Tebow. One of them, for example, is the element of (gasp) football! In that world of football, the mostly terrible teams Denver has defeated include the Raiders, Chiefs, Jets and Chargers. If those teams are mostly terrible, the NFL has a terrible pool of coaching and player talent. There's more from Junod ... Brady, of course, is styled as the anti-Tebow, and not only because of his limited mobility, ruthless efficiency, and unmatched fluency with the ball, but also because of his pride. Okay stop. Re-read that line. Okay. It's blasphemy. BLASPHEMY I SAY! The Tebow has pride. To think the Tebow has no (self)-pride is one hundred percent stupid. Maybe it comes from Junod's ignorance in thinking that Tebow is controlled by "religion" or "God" or "Jesus" and doesn't think for himself or act on his own. Everything he does is God's doing because Tebow is a puppet and God is stringing him. Right. Tom, one can have faith in their God and have faith in his or herself. It's usually a two way street. A sixth-round draft choice who turned himself into one of the best quarterbacks in NFL history, he has his own tale of transformation, but he has always told it in terms of his own rigorous self-belief rather than in terms of his belief in supernatural forces. Tebow doesn't work hard and doesn't believe in himself. Hey Tom Junod: you're wrong and have no clue what you're talking about. Your word is worthless. Take the money you earned from your article of garbage and donate it to the Salvation Army. While you might see the Salvation Army as "religious", others see it as humanitarian or kind. Humanitarian ... you know, like the Tebow going overseas to perform missionary work! Is that "religious", Tom? Maybe if you interpreted it differently, you'd realize it's nothing worth getting fussy over. Now untwist your panties out of the knots and admit that in the world of football, the Tebow and the Denver Broncos are compelling. (The early ratings for the game say it's the highest rated CBS game in four years). A final bag of trash from Junod: Now, Tim Tebow does not — and, for now, cannot — complete 60 percent of his passes. He's strong, so he can shot-put and corkscrew the ball all over the field, but he often looks like he's throwing the ball away when he's not, and he avoids interceptions by coming nowhere near his intended receiver. It would be tempting to say that none of this matters to the legions he has inspired, but of course it's all that matters: Because Tim Tebow is a religious figure rather than an athletic one, the limitations of his talent wind up testifying to the potency of his faith. Junod has distorted reality so much that in his mind, anyone who supports Tebow in any capacity or form is a blind follower or loyalist. The reality is that in the world of football, Tebow has plenty of talent. It's not rocket science, it's a cold hard football axiom: when you minimize interceptions and score touchdowns you have a really good shot at winning. Winning is all that matters in football, after all. RIDICULOUS OVERREACTIONS FROM NBC SPORTS Cris Collinsworth: "The Eagles are kind of like the San Diego Chargers. Boy If they got in, you'd say 'maybe'. You know!? Maybe. They're certainly talented enough!" Al Michaels: "How about a Kansas City/Philadelphia Super Bowl? I mean, it's still possible!" Rodney Harrison: New England's pass defense is "much improved". Ladies and gentlemen, this is crazy talk. And Michaels and Collinsworth need to be disbanded soon. They talk about how old they are at the end of games, like two cackling, elderly women. To read the rest of this column on Cold Hard Football Facts dot com, click here. Tweet @patrickimig.